Our social and work lives have changed a lot recently. The Millenials and Gen Zers have a very different perspective on these places and how they fit into their lives. Today we are going to talk to someone who has a lot of insight into this world.
Hey everybody, this is Chris Brandt, here with another FUTR podcast.
Today we have with us Tony Martignetti, Host of The Virtual Campfire Podcast and author of the newly released book, "Campfire Lessons for Leaders: How Uncovering Our Past Can Propel Us Forward." Tony is also Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer of Inspired Purpose Partners, and Executive coaching and Leadership consultancy.
So let's talk with Tony about how we can find purpose, fulfillment and connection while avoiding burnout in this challenging world.
Welcome Tony
www.ipurposepartners.com
Click Here to Subscribe:
FUTR.tv focuses on startups, innovation, culture and the business of emerging tech with weekly podcasts talking with Industry leaders and deep thinkers.
Occasionally we share links to products we use. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases on Amazon.
Our social and work lives have changed a lot recently. The Millenials and Gen Zers have a very different perspective on these places and how they fit into their lives. Today we are going to talk to someone who has a lot of insight into this world.
Hey everybody, this is Chris Brandt, here with another FUTR podcast.
Today we have with us Tony Martignetti, Host of The Virtual Campfire Podcast and author of the newly released book, "Campfire Lessons for Leaders: How Uncovering Our Past Can Propel Us Forward." Tony is also Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer of Inspired Purpose Partners, and Executive coaching and Leadership consultancy.
So let's talk with Tony about how we can find purpose, fulfillment and connection while avoiding burnout in this challenging world.
Welcome Tony
www.ipurposepartners.com
Click Here to Subscribe:
FUTR.tv focuses on startups, innovation, culture and the business of emerging tech with weekly podcasts talking with Industry leaders and deep thinkers.
Occasionally we share links to products we use. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases on Amazon.
Our social and work lives have changed a lot recently. The Millennials and Gen Zers have a very different perspective on these places and how they fit into their lives. Today, we're going to talk to someone who has a lot of insight into this. Hey everybody, this is Chris Brandt here with another future podcast. Today we have with us Tony Martinetti, host of the virtual campfire podcast and author of the newly released book campfire lessons for leaders. How uncovering our past can propel us forward. Tony is also founder and chief inspiration officer of inspired purpose partners and executive coaching and leadership consultancy. So let's talk with Tony about how we can find purpose fulfillment and connection while avoiding burnout. in this challenging world. Welcome, Tony.
Tony Martignetti:Thank you so much. I'm so thrilled to be here and what a great intro. Thank you.
Chris Brandt:Well deserved. You got a lot of things going on, man. Um, I, I've been listening to your podcast a bit and it's been, been quite enlightening and entertaining and, uh, you know, the, the book just came out. So I recommend everybody get out there and, uh, get a copy available widely on Amazon. Right? Absolutely. Um, so. You know, tell me, tell me, let's start with the podcast because, you know, we're doing a podcast. So let's talk about podcasts. Um, tell me about, about the virtual campfire and like what, what it is that, you know, you guys talk about there and what you do.
Tony Martignetti:Well, the podcast is really about bringing people on who have done amazing things in the world. But, you know, oftentimes we, we don't really, um, recognize or, um, understand the journey that got them there. You know, like you see people. Making impacts, but they don't even sometimes they don't even understand the journey that got them there, which is kind of funny about that is that, you know, what was the thing that defined my, my, my journey, the most, the themes. And so what I do in the show is I bring these amazing people on from all different walks of life. And I, uh, navigate their journey through what I call flashpoints. These are points in our journey that have ignited our gifts into the world. And I like this idea of the campfire because. You know, stories have been told around campfires since the beginning of time or beginning of human history, I should say. Um, and there's an intimacy to that that, um, gets people to feel like, Hey, this is a comfortable space. Let's explore and share the moments that could be very vulnerable that, um, maybe I haven't explored before. And I've often had that feedback from people who've been on the show where they say. Wow. I've never gone there and it feels like I didn't realize that part of me before. Um, and I love it when that happens. So, so yeah.
Chris Brandt:The tagline of the book is how uncovering our past can propel us forward. And I know that like a lot of the material for the book comes out of, you know, the work you've done on the podcast. Um. You know, talk a little bit about how like uncovering our past because you're talking about people kind of going deep How does that how does that come out? And how do you and more importantly, how do you get that out? I mean, I'm gonna steal some tricks here.
Tony Martignetti:Oh, no worries. No, there's no proprietary system here um, I mean, I will I will start with the idea that like How does it work? You know, how does the idea of like going back propel you forward? It starts with just, you know, getting a better understanding of yourself, right? We have to know, like, why are these things that we've done in the past, how do they drive us to the next chapter? And if we've avoided talking about it, if we've avoided understanding it, then it's hard for us to move to the next chapter. I'll give you an example, just a quick one. Yeah. Um, you know, in my own life, I was a finance executive and oftentimes I'm like, well, I'm never going back there. There's no sense in me even thinking about that. But the reality is there's some gifts in my journey of being in finance that I sometimes have to, what I call transcend and include, include that past. Understand why I did it in the first place. How can I own that part of my journey and then use that as a tool to actually bring into my new life of being in, you know, executive coaching and leadership. So there's a part of that, which is, you know, that simple, you know, example that oftentimes we don't want. to use that little thing to move forward into the next direction. Now, if you take a traumatic example, let's say, uh, the death of a loved one or, you know, being on the, the, the cusp of a very dark moment in your life and use that as an example of You know, um, how do you use that fuel to, to move you forward? That's a very different example, but it also is a great way to propel you forward because you're able to take that fuel and the understanding and say, how do I use it as a gift?
Chris Brandt:Personally, I've had like a very varied past and, you know, like there are things that, you know, you go and you mine the past for a lot of interesting little tidbits, but, um, yeah, I can see how that can be very difficult for a lot of people or, you know, a lot of people who, who, who just, um, I haven't spent a lot of time introspecting, you know, and you know, for those people or who feel like it's weakness to introspect or it's, you know, you know, some sort of compromise in oneself that, you know, they, they do. How is it that you really get some of those tough? characters
Tony Martignetti:to go there? Well, choose wisely who I have on, first of all, um, but also, um, I don't, I don't give them a lot of preamble. I don't say like, Hey, this is where we're going to go. This is how we're going to do it. I want them. Um, the only thing I, I preface it by saying is like, Hey, I want to make sure you bring your full self into the room and that you're that you're willing to explore the things that maybe you haven't talked about in other podcasts or in other conversations. And, um, you know, at the heart of this all, I want to make sure that you feel. like you are seen. Um, and I'm going to, you know, take you on a journey in that way. And so that's the, the only thing that I want to make sure people feel as though they're entering in this, this space that they can be, uh, be safe to explore. And if we touch on something that they feel uncomfortable with, I'm okay with saying, look, you know, we won't release it. Um, and I've had just a handful of times where the episodes got too, too emotional, too, um, too touchy. And it was therapeutic, but not releasable, and that's okay.
Chris Brandt:Within your personal, your professional life, with your, your, your executive coaching and, and all that, um, you see a lot of interesting things, because I, you know, one thing I, I, I, I think that, um, executives struggle with, right, is That especially newer executives, they come into that position and then think like, well, I've got to have all the answers and I can't show any weakness and I can't do any of this. And, um, you know, that vulnerability is what really makes a great executive. I think I mean, from what I've seen of executives in the world, I think that the best executive is the one who just, you know, comes at it. You know, like a child learning something, you know, and asks a lot of questions of people, right? Um, you know, how, what, what is your technique to get those tough guys, you know, who are like, I don't have, I can't show any weakness or I'll get eaten alive, you know, kind of the thing, you know, what, what's the trick there? I agree
Tony Martignetti:and I think there's a part of this which is to say that you can't just go out and say I'm going to be authentic and and vulnerable to all my people and just kind of just bear all from the get go. You've got to first understand yourself before you can get out there and start to be sharing more about who you are because you have to understand What is it that you're being authentic about? Um, and, if you don't understand yourself, then how can you help to connect with others? And I think that's what's at the core of all this, not to be too hokey about it, but authentic connection is It's the, the real centerpiece of all of this work. Um, connecting with your narrative, connecting with yourself, then allows you to be able to connect better with others. And so if you can start with the inner work and allow yourself to say, what is it that I've haven't really understood about myself that I haven't been honest with myself about? Um, that I want to start to get honest about, and then what's the next move? It's a courageous move to move to the next level and to say, Hey, what am I willing to share with others? And by doing so, I become a much stronger leader in that way. Um, and I have these Cs that I use, uh, three Cs, which is about, um, uh, it's courage, um, compassion and curiosity. I should say the, the courage was actually not the right one, but there's, I like to add that. There's a four C, courage, curiosity, um, Compassion and connection.
Chris Brandt:I mean, I think the, the, the courage is in all of those, right? So, of
Tony Martignetti:course, of course, you have to have the courage to get out and do that. But it starts with like, knowing that you need to be compassionate with yourself to know that, um, it's going to be emotional. And sometimes it's going to be hard for you to be, um, to be okay with. You know, the things that you're sharing and curiosity is, is just asking the questions about yourself and about others and saying, Hey, what is it that I'm hiding that I, you know, that I need to, to maybe unearth that it's not because you're being malicious or trying to hide because you feel like there's something like dark and evil hiding behind the surface. It's more about just not knowing what it is that is holding you back. You get stuck in patterns. You
Chris Brandt:know, you do things and you go like, why did I do that? You know, and it kind of goes back to something that triggers you from, you know, a long time ago or some job you had or something in your, your childhood that, you know, kind of jumps out at you and then you have this like weird reaction that you don't understand and I've definitely had that happen to me.
Tony Martignetti:Yeah, not never, not me.
Chris Brandt:You know, one of the last thing you said there was connection. And I think that one of the things that is really tricky in the world that I notice is, you know, like I'm, I'm a man of a certain age and I, and I look at, you know, people around me in the similar, similar situation and, and, and especially in tech. Cause you know, I work a lot in tech and I find that Men in particular get very, very isolated as they get older. And, you know, there's an old joke, I don't have friends, my wife has friends and they have husbands, right? And, and, but, but that is, uh, unfortunately a very true kind of statement. And, and, and, and. You know, and I think that's why you also see a lot of this workaholic kind of behavior too, where, you know, but, but at the same time, that connection is so important to business too. And just to yourself and to everything, you know, what, what's your advice to people, you know, like who are getting into that place, um, that, you know, don't just don't have that sense of connection with people.
Tony Martignetti:Yeah. I love that you, that you share this because There's, um, it just happens all of a sudden, you know, where we start to get so embedded in the work that it becomes almost like our friends, our friends are, our friend is our job and, um, and that's not really, um, a healthy relationship to have. We need to be thinking.
Chris Brandt:No, because your friend doesn't, doesn't care about you like you care
Tony Martignetti:about it. Exactly. Exactly. And, um, it's great to have, uh, you know, your, you know, your loved one, your, you know, your partner. To be considered a friend, obviously, but at the same time, you need to also have other people who you can connect with and have, um, have adventures with and, and have conversations with and all of that. And so I think the starting point with this is to realize that there is something that you need, you know, the awareness is the starting point and then realizing how can I build that into my schedule as if it's just as important as. And I don't mean to be so dramatic about it, but it's true. I mean, we need connection like we need air. And, um, and when I say connection, it's not just about like, you know, just any human being in front of us. We need a variety of different connections. We need friends. We need to have an outlet. Because if we don't have that outlet, then if our job goes away and we feel like that was our friend, then what happens? We feel listless. We feel liminal. We feel that middle space of just being without an anchor. And that feels really tough for a lot of people. And so I think the tough thing we need to do, the thing we need to do is find a way to have people who can be our ride along in the journey to help support us when the times are tough and just encourage us. When we have a down moment and you know, the advice I have is find, uh, people who have common interests. Um, and if you don't know what that interest is, maybe it's start, start there. What is an interest that you haven't explored or you have put away and you haven't. talked about or done anything with in a long time.
Chris Brandt:I think that's a really, really good point because I've noticed that throughout the years where my friends in the lighter half of my life have come from is like through, you know, your kids are at school, you meet people, you know, you're all focused on the school and the kids and all that. And, you know, like you get out and you Talk about the kids, you know, so you gotta have people who have kids to talk to, right? And then, you know, later on that, it's, you know, like now I'm playing pickleball, you know, cause I'm of that age. So I'm meeting a lot of people doing that, you know, and, and, and I think you're right. It is important. And you mentioned the partner aspect of it. And I think that, um, you know, for a lot of us. Our partner ends up doing a lot of emotional heavy lifting, you know, and that's a real huge burden to put on somebody and, and, and I don't think always people understand that they sort of have to spread it around a little bit because I think, I think that puts a lot of strain on relationships where you're just like, you've got one person to go to and then all they hear about is you're complaining all the time. And they're like, who are you? Yeah, this is not the person I used to know,
Tony Martignetti:right? Yeah. You want to give them, you know, some of your best advice. Best parts too, and your, you know, it's not to hide anything from them, but it's more about making sure that you're showing up to them with like, some of your most powerful aspects of who you are when you're, you know, yeah. You know, emotionally untethered if you will.. Chris Brandt: Yeah. Well, and, and I, you know, I see my wife and, you know, some of the, the women in the neighborhood even, like, you know, they, they, they, they do a lot of that with Yeah. Some of the guys in, in the neighborhood that are, you know, just getting older. They've lost spouses or, you know, they've. You know, and, and, and it's, it's, uh, you know, they seek the connection, but it's interesting. They don't seek that connection from other men often. A hundred percent. I think this is, you know, an, an area where we're going to need to spend a lot more time in it. And I'm sure we're going to talk a bit more about this today is that it's only getting worse. Um, not getting better. I mean, this has been a problem already. And I think you think pre pre pandemic, we've had, you know, an, an epidemic of loneliness, but it's. Yeah. It's only getting worse. So we need to figure out how can we create, um, a better path to connection. And I think that's why the book, um, that I wrote is in the work I'm doing is all about creating a path to more connection, uh, starting with ourselves.
Chris Brandt:You talk a lot about, um, you know, the, the, the, the fulfillment and sort of the spaces that we, we, we occupy, you know, cause, you know, work is a space as you talk about and, and, and, and that home is a space and, you know. Recently, and with the advent of, you know, all the electronic communications that we are in and the ability to do these kinds of have these kinds of conversations, which aren't the same as sort of an in person conversation. And you know that, um, you know, we've we've lost some of that sense of common space, right? You talk about how how you see that.
Tony Martignetti:For those who don't know what a third space is, I mean, it's really about that, you know, having a place where people come together to connect and, and have conversations and maybe work together. It's like coworking spaces and things like that, not working necessarily, but like congregating, you know, there was always a thought about Starbucks being the third place because people would come and they would be doing their thing, having a coffee. Maybe hanging out and getting to know people outside of their work. Um, but I think it's really important that we start to create more of that, those places intentionally where people, especially younger people can, um, come together and get to know each other and, um, build relationships. Um, especially in relationships that can become, you know, potentially game changers in terms of social impact, um, because we need people talking about ideas. So I think, you know, for me, I have this idea in my book where really the idea of my whole podcast was about bringing divergent minds together. And having convergent hearts, which really was about, I like that. Yeah. I mean, it's just really, you know, I wanted to have it not be a podcast, but really for people to come together in one place and have conversations about things that, you know, um, that they don't necessarily see eye to eye, but eventually they, because they're coming together and having these conversations, they start to see, yeah, I understand where you're coming from and I can see how our two ways of looking at things. can potentially create something bigger together
Chris Brandt:when I was a kid. It's like, get out of the house. I don't want to see again until dinner. Right. Yeah. And that was just the thing. And we just go out in the neighborhood. We, you know, everybody be out there running around anyway. So we just go out and find, we didn't have to call anybody or plan anything. It just was there. You know, I just, yeah, outside there's a, I remember when I was really young, there was like a empty lot down the street. And we used to just, yeah. Meet there and just, you know, throw rocks at each other or whatever it was a different era then, right? Yeah, but, uh, but, um, and not in a mean way. We just, that's just, you know, that's just how we did it. Yeah. Come on. Um, but. You know, like, I don't that doesn't exist anymore for kids. I don't see them, you know, like they're everything is so managed for has been so managed for, like, even the generation that's coming up, the millennials, the Gen Z's, you know, their, their world has always been kind of micromanaged. And so those a lot of those spaces that we had did didn't exist. And, you know, I think they retreated to social media and they use social media very differently, I think, than we do. But, you know, like, where do you see their third
Tony Martignetti:spaces? To be honest with you, I'm not as in tune with, uh, like where, where it is right now, but I feel like, um, but if it doesn't exist, it needs to exist in a more physical place, in a, in a place where, you know, they don't have to pay to be part of it, but it's just something where we can create, um, uh, a sense of belonging, but also a sense of belonging. intentional connection, um, not like forced but a place where people can say, Hey, I'm going to go here and I'm going to almost guarantee I'm going to run into some people who I'm going to want to have a conversation with. And it'll be interesting and I'll leave feeling like, um, I've spent some time building social capital and, you know, finding ways to, um, to expand my ideas, maybe opening my mind a bit more. And I think that's, yeah. what I'm, my dream is to see us have more of these spaces, um, and in my own way, I'm going to start to create these things inside of organizations called Campfires of Connection, which are little workshops to get people to think about, you know, how do I connect as an organization to get better conversations, to get people connecting across different ideas. Um, Starts with like understanding our stories together. So I think that is the little way that I hope to make an impact, but maybe that'll also inspire others to think in that way and do their own.
Chris Brandt:Tell me how you, how you set up these campfires. I mean, I love this whole, the whole fire theme. You've got, you know, the sparks and this and that, you know it, and, and. You're right. I mean, I, I think, you know, there's nothing better than sitting around a campfire with a bunch of people and maybe a guitar, you know, hanging out and talking and singing and have a, you know, drink or two. And, you know, just, it's, it's a great time always. Right. Um, so how do you, how do you create that in, inside of a company? In the
Tony Martignetti:past, I've done it mostly virtually, and it's not quite as the same. as being in person. I think the idea of doing it in person is, well, hopefully you can do it outdoors and you can have a real fire. If you're indoors, you're not going to be doing it with a real fire, but you can, you can create the space. You create a circle, you create people, you create a space where people can come together and feel a little more, you know, of a warmth of being together. And then you start to have the conversation, the dialogue that helps. to say, Hey, look, what's real for me? What are the real things that we want to explore and have the conversations about, you know, what are the things that have made me into the person I am today? Um, but it doesn't just happen immediately. You have to spend some time, you know, planting the seeds and creating the container,
Chris Brandt:if you will. That's interesting. Creating the container, right? I mean, vulnerability is very difficult for people. It's difficult for me, you know, and, um, and, and in a work environment, particularly vulnerability is, is a difficult thing. Um, but, but I think, you know, it's, it's funny because, you know, you have these relationships in work and, and relationships really do help you get a lot more done. Oftentimes because you're working together rather than at odds with each other, even between, you know, your, your customers sometimes, you know, sometimes customers, you know, they want to just keep, keep the, the vendor at a distance or something like that and, and push them back. Um, but, but that connection really, I think it's, it's funny that people don't understand that that kind of close connection really helps projects be more successful, helps everything become a richer, better product at the end of the day. At the very
Tony Martignetti:least, it, it goes to show you that like when there's something that's holding a bottleneck or there's some kind of a tension point, you get there quick, as opposed to let it linger for a long period of time on, um, unsaid, on dealt with, and then eventually festering to a big problem. So, you know, when people trust each other, people feel connected, there might, there's still gonna be problems, but the problems get, they rise to the top. much quicker because there's a sense of like, Hey, I don't want this to become a problem that is unfixable. So let's address it. Let's talk about it and
Chris Brandt:get there. At one point in my life, I managed a team that was global, right? And so I had people in, you know, China and London and, you know, all over the place, right around the United States. And I, it was a really interesting phenomenon, phenomenon, I can't even pronounce it. It was an interesting phenomenon that I saw, uh, happen that, um, after like, After about six months, like everybody started getting on each other's nerves, right? And there was a lot of like, you know, criticism and you know, like, oh, these guys don't know what they're doing and blah blah blah, like, why would they do that? You know, kind of stuff. And then you get them, fly them all in. And get them all in and we'd have, you know, like use useless meetings, quite frankly, let's face it, but then we go out for for drinks afterwards, you know, and we we'd sit around and everybody have a beer and like they saw each other as people as human beings and they saw them as people that were, you know, had common interest and were interesting and, you know, they, they liked them, you know, and then you go back and like everybody's on the same team again for about another six months and you got to get them all back together again. So, I mean, I, I've seen that effect. In real life, you know, it's fascinating to me
Tony Martignetti:when you change the environment when you change like you get people out of their environment and you have a different tone to how people are connecting things start to really shift. So if you if you say hey we're going to sit on zoom calls and that's how we're going to be doing all our meetings. And then, you know, you don't really change the way things are, but if you get them in person, or you get them into the wilderness or you get them into. A different place, things start to show up differently and that little shift in environment is makes all the difference. So I think that's another idea to explore is if you feel like you are, um, your team is stagnant or you feel like there's a real block. Um, explore changing things up and start with your environment. Um, that little shift could make all the difference.
Chris Brandt:I know an architect and, uh, he wrote a book. I think it's called The Third Teacher. Um, cause he's, he's an architect for schools and, and things like that. And his big focus is having those. Like, his, his grand thing was the gathering stair, where it's this big stairway that can connect spaces, but can be used as seating, it can be used as a gathering area, and he was all about sort of these informal gathering spaces because he just, you know, knew that that kind of collaboration and, and was To the extent where you're talking about, you know, like the third places, but that, that, that place can even be part of the curriculum and that it's the third teacher, you know, I always thought that was a really fascinating concept. A hundred percent. I mean,
Tony Martignetti:I'm an architecture buff. So I really, you know, I think, um, when I think about that idea of like the third place, that's, you know, it doesn't have to be a specific, like, okay, we need to create a new Starbucks with like all these things, but it could be just as simple as. Changing to go outside or to create a different type of a layout that allows people to feel like, hey, things are different here and we've got a different way of, of connecting. It's not just the old stodgy conference table that we've, you know, even if it's in person, which is always a great move, um, if it's the same layout that always has been done in the past and you want something different to happen, just changing the layout. Some
Chris Brandt:of these things are so simple. But we don't do that. And I don't know why we don't do them. You know, what, what, what is it that causes such resistance to these ideas?
Tony Martignetti:We get married to our patterns and, you know, and also because we look at, you know, leader leading by example, like quote air quotes here, leading by example, you know, when we see other people doing things a certain way, then we assume that that's how I need to do it. And what we get to realize is that, okay, well, maybe not all the examples that we follow are the right examples. So, um, we have to sometimes disrupt the patterns that we see. Sometimes they're our own patterns and sometimes they're the patterns we see in others. And I'm not saying that, you know, you go completely rogue and do all these crazy things. But like, just question, you know, get curious about what am I seeing? That's working. And what am I seeing that's not working? And why? Um, why would I want to change it up? Is it, you know, if things are the results we're getting are good, then maybe what I'm seeing is good. And if I'm not seeing results that I like, then maybe it's time to just question, is this the right way to do things? Even if the leaders ahead of me who I might admire, they may not know. And this also comes back to this idea that sometimes Um, our mentors, the people who are ahead of us, they don't have all the answers, right? We, we're coming full circle here to say, like, all the, you know, not every leader has all the answers, um, so, and we shouldn't assume they do. It's a good
Chris Brandt:point you make about the pattern thing, because I will say that, like, when I sort of, you know, get into trouble with myself, um, it's usually because I, I find a pattern and I, I stick in it and it's, it ultimately, the pattern drives to zero effort. Yeah, you know, and like, and I get it trapped in this saying, well, this takes no effort. Yeah. So why would I do anything else? And then I realized that while I'm not happy, that's why I should do something else. Right. And then you gotta make, you know, it's like, you don't get the good stuff if you don't put a little effort into things, you know, and, and those, those little no effort things, you know, just like for me kind of sitting in the basement sometimes doing just working, working, working is kind of the no effort. thing when I should just go up and, you know, give my, give my wife a kiss or something, you know, just say hello. And, you know, that, that sort of thing. And, and, you know, the rewards for that are tremendous, you know, but it's hard to break out of your pattern.
Tony Martignetti:I'll give you a classic example, and this is a little bit vulnerable for me to share is that sometimes my wife would give me a hard time because she'd be like, well, You know, you should go to that event in Boston tonight or like, cause I live in Boston area, but like sometimes I'll be like, Oh, you know, it's a lot of work for me to, you know, to drive in the city. It's a lot of traffic. And you know what, I'm like, you know, I've got so many calls, but you know what, if I were to go to that event, I would have a great time. And, um, you know, she's right. She's absolutely right. That if you put in the effort to break your patterns and go out and do that thing. You will really love yourself for it. You will be appreciative of it. The problem is we get stuck in this like comfort of like, okay, I'm here. I'm already home. I don't want to get in the car. I don't want to drive in traffic. So I'm making all these excuses up. To build up.
Chris Brandt:Well, it's kind of like emotional hygiene, right? I mean, it's like you sometimes you're laying in bed and you're like, I should get up and take a shower. You're like, but I could just lay here instead, you know, and eventually that's going to get pretty gamey. Yes. You know, you need, you need to get up and have a little hygiene in your day. Um, and I think, you know, it's sort of similar emotional hygiene. Yeah, we were talking earlier, you know, just on this idea of third spaces. And, you know, one of the things that was you said that was really interesting is that the idea that, you know, a lot of other countries, you know, European nations and things like that, they have designed their cities. Differently. I mean, you know, obviously they're built in a different time and there's different considerations, but you know, there's some design patterns there that are really important that maybe we've neglected in more modern cities that we don't have as much, you know, like in America in particular, but you know, like those informal gathering areas built into the fabric of our communities. Yeah,
Tony Martignetti:they really capitalize on parks. For example, if you go to a park in, um, in any like Zurich or Copenhagen or any one of them, people are like in their parks and they love spending time there. And it's almost like, um, that's something that like, is not something that they would sacrifice, they don't like say, Oh, I'll just. eat at my desk or I'll do this. There's a lot of like energy about getting out and doing, spending their lunch time out in public and with other people. Um, which I think are the workaholics here in the, in the U S we're just like, Oh, you know, I don't have the time to take a break or I don't have the time to go out. But the reality is it's not just about taking, you know, the, uh, about eating lunch out. It's about the social fabric that we need to connect with. Seeing and being with other people and the fresh air and all those benefits of being out in public in the common spaces. That's huge.
Chris Brandt:We, we suffer a lot of burnout here, you know, because we, you know, and it's weird, you know, you, you mentioned something that like triggers for me, like every time you ask us, like, how are you doing busy? I am so busy. Yeah. It's like a badge of honor here. And it's not a healthy mindset,
Tony Martignetti:right? Definitely not. Definitely not. And the busier you
Chris Brandt:are, it's like, it's how much more elevated your social status is in some way. We talked about fulfillment
Tony Martignetti:briefly, but I would say like, that's the, we have to redefine our sense of what we want in life. How do we want to define fulfillment on our own terms? We sometimes subscribe to this idea that like, busyness is the, is The way that we should all be, well, maybe it's like, I'm going to change the game. I'm going to say, I have more agency over how I want to show up and how I want to live my life. And my decision to take my time to go have lunch or to go walk in the park in the middle of the day is my, my way of defining success. My success is defined by spending time in, you know, um, having outside time, spending time with friends. Having friends, uh, and making sure I take care of myself. You could start there, yeah. Yeah, and those are the things that are my marker of success. Not, you know, whether or not I get to the next rung in the ladder all the time, or I'm chasing that rabbit of success all that people always think about. Um, I think there's, um, a challenge there. You coming out of
Chris Brandt:finance, so you, you know, you've definitely seen this side of the world, but it's like, I think people, a lot of people have this sense of like their definition of success is monetary and amassing money is the way. And, you know, I was just talking to a friend of mine and he was talking about, you know, like he had some, uh, challenges in the past and, you know, he went to a, uh, a place called the Meadows. Which is, you know, a famous, you know, rehab or, you know, decompression, you know, facility that helps you kind of work through some of that stuff. And, you know, it's like, you know, it's a very expensive sort of process, very effective. I mean, I just had tremendous things to say about it, but, you know, they're, they're also like all the celebrities there. And, you know, the thing you think about is like, okay, they're, you know, clearly success and money. It's not the answer because if it were, all those people would be happy with themselves and they certainly don't seem to be that way. So it's like, you know, and I've always understood that the best path to happiness is being altruistic, helping others, you know, that's where you get that sense of fulfillment and you have to have community around you. to be able to do those types of
Tony Martignetti:things. Yeah, I mean, I think there's something about what you just shared, which has me thinking that if, you know, the true, um, the true measure of wealth is, is a wealth of connections. Um, you know, and, and you don't have connections if you're not altruistic and willing to give to others and in, in a way that helps them to also. succeed, which has me thinking about this quote that I live by, um, something that has really driven me in this, in this chapter of my career, which is that, that amateurs compete and professionals create. Um, and the reason why I love this quote. You know, this amateurs compete, professionals create is that it's really has been this sense of like, instead of being closed off and you know, about, um, protecting my, uh, my kingdom, if you will, it's about how do I connect with others and find ways to create with others so we can make a bigger pie, right? Create something together, um, so that we make a bigger impact. Um, because when you just compete, what happens is it's all about taking the pie and just slicing it to smaller, smaller slices. But how do we expand the pie, right? And I didn't invent this, you know, it's, this is, this has always been around, but I think the, I just really embrace that idea. And I try to find ways to expand the pie in any way I can. The most
Chris Brandt:successful people I've, I've met, you know, I met a lot of like interesting people who have been very successful in their lives, but they make connections as their primary thing they do every day. It's just like, they're always having lunch with somebody that means something for dinner. They're talking, they're having, they're finding people who are, who are going on great adventures and they go with them, you know, it's, it's all about all those connections and those connections make them very successful. Um, And I don't know how to, how to necessarily teach everybody that and ignore myself, you know, because, you know, I, I do fall victim to that just like, well, it's easier to sit here, you know, yeah, it takes a lot of energy to be that kind
Tony Martignetti:of person, a hundred percent. And maybe that's something that is, uh, a question we should pose. And maybe that's what we should ask the audience in general is in ourselves, you know, how am I connecting today? And, um, and, and challenge yourself every day to connect in a different way. Maybe it's how am I connecting to myself? How am I connecting to others? How am I connecting to purpose? Um, in, in any given day, you can try different things, experiment with ways of connecting and, and that way it's not about. Just being insular and I'll just add one other thing about this because I recently came to this conclusion during a coaching session with one of my clients is that this, you know, the more, um, you're in connection with other people, it actually improves your thinking. You don't get better at thinking in isolation with the exception of maybe a few people who are just absolutely brilliant, but like your thinking gets expanded. and more, um, refined by being in connection with other people. All right.
Chris Brandt:Everybody's got some homework for this week. Go out and make some new connection every day. There you go. There it is. Myself included. I love that. Yeah. Yes, and me too. You know, that's a great lesson for me. I feel like I've got a free, uh, executive coaching. I hope I'm not going to get a bill after. You will, yes. I will. Well, you know, you gotta, you gotta get paid somehow, right? Um, well, uh, you know, Tony, this has been, this has been fantastic. Um, I, I, I love this kind of work that you're doing because I think that, you know, as a society, we, we are all struggling, you know, and you know, it's not going to get better next year. Um, in terms of the struggle, you know, it's going to be chaotic. It's going to be difficult times, you know, um, and we, we got to make that change for ourselves. And I love the fact that you're somebody who's out there helping people do that. And that's, uh, very cool. So if, if, if people wanted to get this excellent, excellent coaching that I've just gotten, and I suppose this audience got, um. Where, where should they go?
Tony Martignetti:Well, the best place to find, uh, find out about me and to, you know, learn more about my work is at my website, which is i purpose partners.com. And the I is the letter I, not the I, as in my I. Um, yes, and, uh, if you go there, you'll get, you know, access to a number of different things, the podcast. My books and, uh, an assessment, all types of fun things. And then the other place is LinkedIn. I'm very active on LinkedIn. I'm always sharing content there. And there it is my name. Uh, and instead of an I at the end, there's a letter, the number one. So, uh, got to make things complicated.
Chris Brandt:Well, that's the way, that's the way it rolls. There must be a bunch of Tony Martinetti's out
Tony Martignetti:there. Yeah. The other Tony Martinetti, I actually know. So he's a, he's a good guy. So. Any relation? No, but he has a podcast too, which is interesting. He's, uh, If
Chris Brandt:your name's Tony Martinetti, you gotta have a podcast,
Tony Martignetti:apparently. Apparently so. And I've been on his podcast,
Chris Brandt:so. You've been on his podcast too? Yes. Oh man, that's like, that's getting so meta at some point that it's, my head's gonna explode. Um, well, Awesome, man. Thanks so much for being on go out and get the book. It's on Amazon. It's available. I'll put a link in the description. Um, and you know, I wish you a great, great success, Tony. And, uh, I'll have to come back and get a, uh, executive coaching session sometime soon. Anytime,
Tony Martignetti:anytime.
Chris Brandt:Appreciate it. Thanks for watching. I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Uh, and if you could. Please give us a like, subscribe, and I will see you in the next one.